April 19, 2026, Sunday.
Ontario, California.

Life is a great absurdity. Great and funny. A comedy of absurdities. It is this comedy aspect that makes life meaningful. It is understandable that people don’t want to leave life. Who would want to leave a good comedy and go? On the contrary, you want this show to never end. You say, “We were having such fun, I wish it never ended.”

The dead sleep quietly and calmly, in eternal peace. We, on the other hand, have to live with toothaches, earaches, stomachaches. We have to keep paying our debts. We have to keep enduring not being liked, being rejected. We have to keep working.

Everything is luck. Everything is luck from beginning to end. None of it is our choice. I didn’t choose to get an education, I was lucky, I had a mother and father and they took me by the hand and took me to school.

What about kids without a mother and father? Did they choose this? No. They were born unlucky. Or you never know. Maybe luck smiles upon them more. Maybe they get adopted into a very rich family. Well, is this the choice of those kids? Again, no. Again, luck.

What about those who are abroad right now? You wanted to go too and you tried very hard. Those who tried less than you were able to go. No success is at all proportional to effort or anything. You try harder but they become successful. This can happen. As a rule, it doesn’t always happen like this. Actually, if it always happened like this as a rule, we would all know this was the rule and act accordingly, and we would still reach our goal. But there is no rule. There is randomness. There is coincidence. There is luck.

One in 10 people strives and succeeds. One in 10 people acts lazy and fails. The situation of 8 out of 10 people is completely mixed up. However, stop shoving it in our faces that just because one person strived and won, and one person acted lazy and lost. See the other 8 people too. You also have to see those who tried very hard but couldn’t get to the places they deserved, and those who made no effort at all but got lucky.

Everything is upside down. No formula works. We are second to none when it comes to result-oriented commentary. After the match is over, everyone talks about how the winner made the right moves. You make the same moves, it doesn’t work. But those who manage humanity are too afraid to put a name to this. Those who are lucky don’t want to be known as lucky, they are afraid. Because they know that if it is realized that they don’t deserve it, all their assets will be taken away from them. Terrifying. Humans are terrifying creatures.

Like every living creature. Nature does not forgive those who are not savage. In the past, those who could beat others up became kings and ruled. Then we evolved, we developed a lot, and the throne was handed over from brute force to cunning. Now the ones who lie best, deceive best, and scam best rule us. The most personality-less, the most characterless, the biggest liars.

We are all despicable. We are all characterless. There is no doubt about that. However, we are not all characterless at the same quality, and when we can’t be the most characterless, we are left with what we messed up, we are humiliated, we sink into the ground and disappear. The fraudsters who can play their role without blinking an eye until the very last moment become our leaders. This is how we decided. This is the most we could develop. We are no different from animals. However savage they are, we are just as savage. However murderous they are, we are at least as murderous. However terrifying they are, we are much more terrifying.

Some of us are disgusted with ourselves from time to time. We want to run away. We want to die, we want to disappear. But a small excuse stops us again. All of us have someone we love. All of us have someone who loves us. All of us have a responsibility, some of us a child, some of us a mother, a father, a lover, a spouse. Who will look after them when I die? I must commit suicide by living. I shouldn’t care about anything as if I have committed suicide, as if I don’t exist. Close your eyes and work. Sacrifice your life. You shouldn’t have been here right now anyway. You don’t exist anymore. However, if you really die, your sick mother will be left on the street. You must live for her. Just work, work, work and bring money home. Bring it so medicines can be bought, so the poor woman can be comfortable. You don’t have a dream. You don’t have a desire. Life is already meaningless and you have already given up. You don’t want anything. Nothing has a taste. You want to die but you can’t. You have a small excuse. There is a shrunken woman who needs you. Who didn’t abandon you when you needed her and who endured life for you. Now you will endure for her. Because lions do this too, foxes too, cows too, elephants do this too, they look after each other, all animals look after their offspring, their mothers, this is just a nature like this.

This has no meaning. It has no spiritual value. This never makes you a superior person. This is just a part of savage nature. It has no special meaning. Just as popping out of a vagina has no special meaning. Motherhood is not sacred. A mother is not sacred. It’s just that nature is like this. We are intertwined. We were born from each other. We are tied to each other. Just like the mouse and the cat are tied to each other. Just like the lion and the deer need each other. One way or another. Whether we need to eat each other or feed each other. But we have to. We have no right to choose. The things we can choose are very few and very meaningless. Everything is very meaningless.

You just need a small excuse not to commit suicide. However, it is also possible to commit suicide by living. Now forget all your troubles as if you were dead. Feed your belly, jack off, take a shit, take your shower and sleep. One day you won’t be able to wake up and that day is very close. Human lifespan is very short. And this is the most wonderful part of being human. Because even if it is a comedy, a person gets tired after a point. “If only the show would end so we could go home and sleep.” And the show ends. And then we sleep. Try not falling in love with this. Life is very beautiful and dying is even more beautiful than living.