May 12, 2026, Tuesday.
Rockford, Illinois.

The truck is at the mechanic’s and I am on my day off. A good opportunity to socialize. I am at the shopping mall. The smiles of a father watching his daughter’s funny antics warm my heart. I dive into memories. My little sister’s childhood and my father’s youth appear before my eyes. My father died one morning last year. Since that day, my sister’s face hasn’t smiled.

Now I am at the mall again. That man is still there. His daughter is still making her father smile. But one day this man will die. And this girl won’t be able to smile for a long time.

There is a woman fighting with the cashier, having taken her mother’s support behind her. Years ago, my mother and my sister had done the same thing together. Now my mother has Alzheimer’s. My sister changes her diapers.

That woman defending her daughter against the cashier, maybe she will get Alzheimer’s one day. She won’t even be able to defend herself, let alone her daughter. She will do things she never wanted to. Her children will be devastated.

Men pass by with their arms on their sons’ shoulders, full of the pride of raising them to this age. Our neighbor was like this too. Then his son died in a traffic accident. The man shrank, shriveled, diminished, he became doubled over.

This man might lose his son too. Life has no mercy on anyone, you see.

There are happinesses and pains everywhere. I think it’s okay if happiness doesn’t exist. However, pains are not “okay if they exist” things. I am not that strong. I can’t bear it. I would go crazy. That is why I didn’t have a child. I am grateful for this.