September 1, 2024, Sunday.
Tumwater, Washington.

Two days ago, a song called “Küçük Bir Yol” (A Little Road) came up in front of me, I’ve been listening to it day and night for two days. Apparently, Hadise sings it. Its lyrics seem like nonsense but the music, the voice, and the interpretation are magnificent. The lyrics are also words that touch one’s soul, but when you look at them as a sentence, they are nonsensical things. What is “a little road”, for instance, in the first place? Nothing. It just is. But I listen and listen and cry. Crying is my hobby, you know. It helps me rip out and throw away the dirt, rust, and ugliness inside me.

I’m in trouble. She texted me yesterday. She said, “I’m in trouble.” I said, what happened my love. Because she does prostitution, you know. Her uncle was at the venue. That’s why she ran away to her room before her shift ended. She keeps crying. She already does prostitution unwillingly. To be able to pay her rent, to look after her sibling and her grandpa. She comes once every two months, works for 5 days, earns enough to cover her two-month expenses, and returns home.

Her ex-boyfriend got her started in this business. While Corona took some people’s lives, it took some people’s jobs, some people’s dreams and left. This poor girl became unemployed during that time too. Her boyfriend at the time lost his job as well. Her boyfriend deceived her by saying there was a good job in a place like a restaurant-bar. He took her there. Then the girl learned that the job was prostitution. Her boyfriend said it’s okay, you have to do it for us, for our loved ones, and somehow convinced the poor girl. Well, with the effect of helplessness, the girl started this cursed life too. And a year later, the four-year relationship came to an end. She is now a prostitute of 3 years.

And I appeared before her. The superhero of prostitutes. I will pay her rent now, I will look after her sibling. I hope I can do it for at least a few months. During that time, she won’t quit her job but she will save money, maybe she’ll gain the power to do another job by January. We video chatted for two hours yesterday. When I told her I would help, she started crying out of joy. She is so sweet, so beautiful. My heart hurts.

But of course, I’m not doing it just because my heart hurts. I can’t. We are from the tribe of those who do not put grass in front of the donkey they don’t fuck. I am a man too. And 99.99% of men are sons of bitches. They are trash. They are shit. And I am one of them. In exchange for this money, I will make love to her in the end. I mean, what convinces me the most are these lovemakings anyway. Not the tears.

I am in a little pussy, I’m at the very beginning, should I always just jack off by myself? The song seems to have become more meaningful now.