September 7, 2024, Saturday.
Aurora, Oregon.

Aurora again. Because the Flying J is here. I brought some things to Kroger again but I was late. They didn’t take them. That’s why my time is passing in vain now.

I don’t feel like going to whores either. The money goes to waste. The treatments aren’t good around here. It’s better in Mexico. However, the day before yesterday I paid $200 and sucked a fat black woman’s huge boobs for an hour. I was in Bakersfield that day. While I was in Bakersfield, I thought about whether I should cross over to Tijuana, but the green-eyed 20-year-old baby was bound for El Salvador. Her grandmother was there, she was going to visit her.

The Sinaloan with the beautiful ass is insistent on not talking to me. If I hadn’t said “I’ll look after you” like an idiot, I wouldn’t have had to say “actually I can’t look after you” later. We were talking, for better or worse. She doesn’t talk to me anymore. Looking at it from one angle, it means the girl never valued me at all anyway. I say this, but I could waste big money sending it to her again at any moment. I am lucky that I don’t have money. So I can’t waste it either.

Sarı (Blondie) is going to pay me $7000. He hasn’t made any payments yet. But he’ll finally do it one day next week. We continue to wait for the passport for the chubby girl from Portland. I hope what the young man in Istanbul told me turns out to be true, and we turn the corner. Otherwise, life is very hard and very awful and very disgusting. However, we are living despite everything.

It’s the Sinaloan’s birthday tomorrow too. There are a lot of beautiful whores in Tijuana. I should forget the Sinaloan. Actually, I was going to invest in her not because the girl is beautiful, but because her voice is really beautiful. Imagine I made the girl famous, she became very famous, more than the money I invested came back. I’m indecisive. Fuck my head. Why did I say such things, man? Am I an idiot or what.

The girl is something else too, you know. She kind of made me say it. She kept crying every other minute. Man, what a beautiful conversation we had. We fucked it up and threw it away. But it felt like there was no escape either. I guess it had to be this way. No, apparently, if I had money again, I would invest in this girl.

However, I really have no money right now. I’m even below zero. If there was no money on my credit card, I’d starve, it’s to that degree. Whereas Sarı (Blondie) working in the North East makes twenty thousand dollars a month driving a truck. Of course, first it’s a must to buy a truck, even if it’s used. Can I do that too, it’s very hard. There are uncertainties. Everything will become clearer in the future, but today there is a lot of uncertainty.