June 9, 2026, Tuesday.
De Queen, Arkansas.

There is a chicken slaughterhouse here, I came there. They will load 20 tons of chicken, and I will take it to Kroger’s distribution center in Atlanta.

I arrived yesterday but they said you came early. It was tomorrow’s load. Meaning today’s. However, there is no news today either yet. Maybe it will be ready by the evening. Maybe it will be left for tomorrow. It’s not something I care much about. How nice, I am just laying around doing nothing.

The weather is hot. I cranked up the AC inside the truck, it’s ice-cold, oh wonderful. All day long scroll Facebook, scroll X, scroll YouTube… I am clicking on all social media. There is something to be entertained by in all of them. Occasionally I go on OnlyFans too. When I can’t hold out much longer, I look at Xvideos for 3-5 minutes, get the need for orgasm out of the way, and sleep.

Then I wake up, the same life again. I go out to eat twice a day and see a little bit of people and stuff. Everywhere I go, I inevitably see one or two beautiful girls and get happy. This is one of the best parts of getting older. Being able to be happy just by seeing a beautiful girl. Making peace with realities. Not bothering anyone. May God bless whoever invented masturbation.

I had come across a place like this on the weekend too. There is a meat slaughterhouse in Madill, Oklahoma too. I had taken meat there. While they were supposed to take it on Friday morning, they barely unloaded the freight by Saturday evening. Therefore, I laid around there on Friday, Saturday, Sunday – 3 days. I went to eat twice a day. Pastries, croissants, coffee in the mornings; Chinese buffet in the evenings.

At the buffet, there was a chubby young girl with red hair and big boobs, for instance, when I went on Saturday. She stayed in my mind the most. Actually, I had kept another girl in my mind a day before too, but when I saw the redheaded chubby one on Saturday, I erased the cutie I saw on Friday from my memory.

There were no girls to keep in mind at the breakfast place. They were all skinny. I can’t keep skinny girls in my mind. She has to be chubby, has to have huge boobs so that I keep her in mind.

I have been here since yesterday too. This morning I went to a nice place here too. The waitress girl was beautiful. She had green eyes. But I still prefer the redheaded chubby one.

Sometimes I see blonde girls outside. They shine like the sun. I like blonde hair a lot. But the chubby, big-booty ones among them catch my attention more. When it’s a skinny girl, I can’t fantasize. I get a feeling like “man, she would die if she was under me.” However, when she’s chubby, I feel like squeezing, kissing, grabbing her. So soft. And I hope she’s durable too. It’s probably like this because I am fat myself. Skinny girls don’t like me anyway usually. So it’s good that it’s like this. Everyone to their own match.

I constantly think about how lucky I am. The internet is teeming with bad news. And I am somewhat constantly in search of bad news too. Instead of looking at the lives of the rich and feeling sad, I look at the lives of the poor and feel glad. I say, “oh, my situation is good, people are starving.”

But of course, even the most beautiful life is not satisfying. I am angry at my mother and father in any case. Their having a child while having a shitty life is unforgivable.

My sister called yesterday. I had to pay her rent. I sent $800. I hope it doesn’t happen like this again.

Yesterday was a bad day anyway. For instance, I came to pick up a load, first they had me wash the inside of the trailer. I encountered such a thing for the first time. Normally they either send it to a wash, or they wash it themselves. For the first time, I went inside and washed it myself. Because I am not used to it, it was hard. My back broke.

Probably because it’s a small place. There are no truck wash places around. And those sons of bitches don’t have someone they pay and employ for this job at the factory.

This factory apparently belongs to Brazilians. We go back and forth saying Americans are rich, but look, the guys came all the way from Brazil and established a factory here. Oh oh, what would have happened if I were a bit smarter, if I understood commerce. If I established a factory too. But where is that brain in me. Because there is no brain, we are forced to work the body. Blue-collar labor forever.

And then they said the load is tomorrow’s load, I went and parked at Walmart. I bought cherries and strawberries from inside. I paid $15. Then resting in the truck, I started eating strawberries and cherries. Half of it is still there. Strawberries and cherries made me happy. I started saying life is actually very beautiful. The trees outside, the greenery, everything is very beautiful. Blonde hairs, green eyes, chubby asses, chubby boobs… then porn, then masturbation, a bit sad. Then sleep. Sleep is very beautiful. You understand that death is a wonderful thing from sleep being beautiful, for instance.

My credit card debts decreased a lot. It went under 7 thousand dollars. I need to do a sex tourism again sometime. I mean I need to feel that I am alive. And the only thing that makes me feel this is prostitution. I love paying the fee and buying sex. I adore whores.

My friendship with former sex workers continues. I had a few favorites. The one I liked the most gave birth to a girl. The baby is 8 months old now. Her father works at nights. That’s why we chat with her mother some nights. Just about this and that, troubles and worries.

She both likes making children, and complains about the cost of living. She is a complete idiot in this regard. She says I’ll make a second, third child. She’s willing. I pity her boyfriend a little. How will he keep up with these expenses, I don’t know. That is his punishment too. Why would you make a child anyway. It’s love, supposedly. I’ll stick it to your love. Make your love with a condom. Or I don’t know, pull out. There you go, now work day and night to look after the child.

I am lucky. I am very lucky. I am lucky because I don’t have a child. I am lucky because I am not married. I am lucky because young and beautiful girls rent out love in exchange for money.

If you lower your expectations saying life is a shitty thing anyway, life turns into a magnificent thing.

If you raise your expectations saying life is a very magnificent thing, life turns into an unbelievably great agony.

That’s why one shouldn’t care too much. It’s a fleeting world. Sleep wake up, sleep wake up, sleep wake up – it will end and go away. We will be saved.