February 14, 2026, Saturday.
Liverpool, New York.

As I get older, I’ve even become ashamed of writing. I realize more and more every passing day what an empty person I am. All writings are garbage, all thoughts are absurd.

Your burden gets lighter when you say it like this. You close your eyes and the sun shines at the corners of your lips. You accept life as it is: with its nonsense, its meaninglessness, its grandeur, and its rainbows.

For a long time, I’ve been distracting myself with Sergen Yalçın. I don’t care if he wins or loses, I look forward to his post-match statements. There is a clarity in this man’s expression. Straightforward, unadorned, real, naked, and entertaining. Every sentence of his makes me happy. No lies, just the bittersweet truth, whether you want to hear it or not.

I write to the babes that we share like brothers with men I don’t know on OnlyFans: “You are very valuable. I’m glad you exist.”

What is the presence or absence of babes I haven’t seen naked to me. I don’t call a babe a babe, unless she has an OnlyFans.

You young crazy ones who were born years and years after me, and died years and years before me: Your courage excites me. You were born, you didn’t waste time with what you didn’t believe in, you killed for what you believed in, you sang songs and you died.

I was supposedly going to be your elder. I’m still alive. I haven’t lived as much as you. I didn’t even deserve a chaos like yours anyway.

I have $16600 of debt left. This debt was once $45300, I think.

Last week:
From Oneida, New York to Hagerstown, Maryland for $1950;
From Jonestown, Pennsylvania to Lansing, Michigan for $2900;
From Sparta, Michigan to Hernando, Mississippi for $3700;
I drove from Southaven, Mississippi to Denver, Pennsylvania for $3100.

The 30% paid to me amounted to $3495. I sent $400 to my mom and sister, $200 to my ex-wife, and $200 to the OnlyFans girls.

The debts will be finished in a few months. I am very joyful that I will be able to support the OnlyFans girls more.