September 25, 2024, Wednesday.
Madill, Oklahoma.

Billions of different lives, billions of different stories.

I am the story of a 36-year-old lonely man.

I am in favor of unattractive men not being born or not living. I get sad when I look in the mirror. Why would anyone love me? Why would anyone hug me? Why would anyone kiss me?

That’s why I spent $500 again yesterday. I visited 3 different prostitutes in Dallas. I got scammed by the second one.

The first was Hailey. (There was a visual here) Hailey is a 26-year-old white overweight woman. It’s not obvious in the photos, but she’s not beautiful at all in real life. Her body is also shapeless, formless.

But she’s a lovely person. Smiling. I gave her $120, we had 15 minutes of sex, I left.

The second was Chocolate. (There was also a visual here) She’s a 23-year-old black woman with 3 kids. Her ass and boobs were nice. She seemed like a good person at first, but then she scammed me.

First, I paid $80 for 15 minutes. After the 15 minutes of prostitution were over, she said, “Pay $150 and stay for another hour,” so I said okay. I went to the ATM, withdrew $150, and came back. She took the money, said, “I’ll go check on my kids and come back,” and left.

Then her sister came. She said she wouldn’t be coming back. I realized I had been scammed. I’m used to it now. I didn’t say anything. I just laughed at the situation I was in. I got dressed and left.

The third was Symone. (And of course, there was a visual here too) She’s a 26-year-old black fat woman with big boobs. She had just given birth too. We called her because of her big boobs, but she said, “If I take off my bra, milk will drip from my nipples,” and she didn’t take it off. Since my mind was still on being scammed, I didn’t really care.

I paid her $150 too. She squatted for 15 minutes, gave a blowjob, this and that. It was over, and she left.

It was the middle of the night by then. She had left her child with someone about 40 minutes away and was going to pick up her child.

All sorts of lives, all sorts of stories, that’s how it is.

I swallowed Viagra to go to prostitutes, and my head has been aching for two days.

It gets my dick hard, but the headache also reduces the quality of life. It makes you want to shoot yourself in the head to get rid of all this physical and mental pain.

I had lunch and dinner at Dimassis’s in Dallas.

Then I came to Oklahoma to get a new load, but the load was canceled. This is my last week. I’m very stressed. I’m quitting my job again. Again, uncertainty. Again, there’s a dream, a hope, but until then, there’s hardship, a struggle, poverty.

I have great respect for people who commit suicide. Despite all my whining, I haven’t been able to do it to this day. Yet they pulled the trigger like real men and left. They could have stayed and whined like me. But what a shame. Head-fucking. Discomfort.

If I had a lot of money, if I had 3-5 girlfriends, would life be beautiful? Maybe. But I look at Elon Musk, who has the most money, and even he’s dealing with shitty things on Twitter. Isn’t money a solution either? Or is this idiot just bad at living?

Seeking comfort, finding comfort is also shameful. I’m ashamed. I’m bored. I can’t do anything for now.

I’m going to bed, I’ll sleep, I’ll wake up tomorrow and continue again. What beautiful girls there are. So many beautiful girls, man. On Twitter, on Instagram, there are such beautiful girls that you wonder, if I had a chance to be with these girls, would I still be unhappy?

The answer is cruel. The answer is this: buddy, you will never be with those girls. And don’t be anyway. Those girls deserve better. Why would those houris be with your hairy ass and belly? Who would love you? Who would hug you? Who would kiss you? You can only find ugly fat women like yourself, maybe. Damn it. I wish we could die and be done with it.

The good news is: life is very short. I didn’t understand how 36 years passed. And most likely, there’s much less time left than 36 years. I don’t want to live to be 72 anyway. I’ll probably die in my 50s. Or who knows? Maybe tomorrow. Maybe even sooner than tomorrow.

But there are so many beautiful girls. Like candy, like Turkish delight, like dolls. Look at these: (There were exactly 7 visuals here).

I censored the vaginas of those whose vaginas were visible, dear moderator brother. I hope you don’t ban me.

Vaginas need to be censored. Vagina is shameful, vagina is a sin, vagina is forbidden. Could this be the reason for our unhappiness? If we freed the vaginas, could we be a little happier? I don’t think so. I think happiness is something like impossible. Even the vagina isn’t a solution.

However, if you had a lot of money and a life to live with these girls, I don’t know, Altan, I don’t know.

They are very beautiful, but they will get old. Old age is a disgusting thing.

Our nature required us to die around 30 anyway. Before technology and stuff, after 30 in the forest is tough. Looking at it from that perspective, I’ve lived an extra 6 years already. Maybe I should enjoy it. I was supposed to die 6 years ago. I’m living extra. I shouldn’t complain.

Screw all this. How are the girls? The girls are wonderful. How can you not love girls? I can’t understand how you can be a misogynist. You can’t be enemies with these. They’re like sugar. Or is this paragraph also a kind of misogyny? Then there’s nothing to do. Fuck life, sis. You fuck too.

Edit: They removed the visuals. Sorry. (At least they didn’t delete the entry. I’m grateful for that).