Saturday, October 19, 2024.
Hotel Cascadas, Tijuana, Mexico.

I continue to use up the last dollars on my credit cards in Mexico. This is what happens when God doesn’t give you the right mind.

Sex is very cheap, but since I can’t part with the asses of two girls I like, I give them everything I have left.

One of them works at night and after meeting with 10-15 clients, she comes to me in the morning, I pay her half an hour and $200. And I don’t have sex. I just cuddle and sleep.

When I say I’m sleeping, it’s only 30 minutes.

The other one only goes out to dinner with me, I can only hug her and kiss her hair when we meet and leave. Her mother’s birthday is on the 24th, she was going to buy a $500 gift, I got the $500 yesterday.

One is 23, the other is 20. I’m 36 now and I’m happy with these. I won’t be able to experience even these when I’m 46. Life should end at 30, after that it’s always extensions. So there’s nothing to be sad about, every minute is extra.

Of course I called 18-year-old escorts to my room for 3-4 days in a row and each of them only cost 120 dollars per hour. However, the pleasure I get from these hugs is completely different. That’s why they are 120 dollars, these are more expensive.

I’ve taken a wrong path. It’s not like I can just leave. I can’t just leave, otherwise it’s easy; block, move on. With this money dozens more 18-year-olds will have sex with me. But now I’ve lost myself to the eyes, hair, and lips of these two whores.

And they don’t know about each other. If they find out, all my efforts, all my feelings, all the money I’ve paid will go to waste.

I wish I could be a whore too. I wish there was demand for me too. I suck old men’s cocks in the mornings, dry their balls, and they put lots of dollars in my pocket. If I could come to my room in the evenings with those dollars and call young girls. And in return for the money I will give, this time these young girls will give their pussies to my mouth.

I guess I will go back to the truck next week. These are the last days of freedom. I also did Uber yesterday and the day before. I worked less, I made about 200 dollars in two days. Gas is also expensive. If I fill the tank, it will be 60-70 dollars.

I wish I was an athlete. Isn’t it too late now? Can I be a boxer from now on? I wish there were fights in my age group, I could earn money by beating or getting beaten.

This is the age of Instagram. If you are not a woman, you will be an athlete. You will be an athlete so that your body will be beautiful. And a man fights, my friend. He beats and gets beaten. His mouth and nose bleed. His mouth and nose bleed. Girls love these things too. Girls who don’t like them are girls you are not interested in anyway. Only the sexy ones love such things. That’s how I have seen it so far.

I would love to work in San Diego in the mornings and sleep in Tijuana at night. Maybe one day this dream will come true. However, since I will be returning to the truck next week, this dream has been postponed again for now.

I can’t give up the truck. Even though I don’t like it, thanks to it, I am a man. Again, thanks to the truck, money comes into my pocket.

I keep sending money to girls in Thailand, Turkey, Mexico, even if it’s 3-5. I don’t know why. So the hope is that one day I will go and fuck. But the truth is, it just doesn’t happen; there is no time, no money, no strength, I can’t go.

It would be best to block them all, but I can’t bear it. The most expensive ones are these two whores anyway. The total cost of the others is not even a hundredth of those two.

One of them brought up the subject of marriage. “I want 5 children,” he said. 4 of them will be boys and one girl. How will that happen, man? When you show excessive interest, where does the subject come to? Of course, I would be okay with marrying these two, but marriage between two people is not legal.

Besides, if they knew each other, both of them would leave me. My heart would hurt. I would want to jump off a cliff and be torn to pieces.

The other one said, “I want to introduce you to my family.” Will he also go towards marriage? If he does, how will it be?

I wish I could marry both of them. But for me, the ideal marriage would be this: They both meet the men they want and have sex. Let me see whores once in a while. Oh, if that were the case, life would be heaven.

Normally I am very against children, but I can go astray for these whores. I still get sick to my stomach when I think of children, but who knows, maybe they will grow up to be beautiful people.

I want all my daughters to be OnlyFans, but if they looked like me, they wouldn’t be worth much.

I wish my boys were football players or pop singers. Or if they found a fantastic app and we could become trillionaires. No, but these sons of bitches would be truck drivers, that’s for sure.

Their mothers wouldn’t approve of my daughters being whores anyway.

What’s worse, what if the children are disabled? What if they get cancer? What if they get autistic? What if they are retarded? What if they become drug addicts? What if they become poor? What if they become lazy? What if they become insolent? What if they become murderers? What if they become victims? What if they become convicts? What if they become thieves? What if they become rapists? What if they are raped?

My heart aches thinking about these things. I can’t understand how these whores can want 5 children so easily. Is there something wrong with me? Are they the problem?

It’s not that important, is it? We’re not even dust in the universe. What’s the calculation, the book? If you’re going to give birth, give birth. If you’re going to die, die. Who cares? All in all, a lifespan of 60-70 years. And I’ve already completed 36 years, thank God. Another 24-34 years will pass quickly, in the blink of an eye. Then, oh boy…

Then I won’t have to worry anymore about “What if these beautiful girls leave me?” There will be no pain of love. There will be no possibility of a traffic accident. There will be no worry of children. There will be no worry of sex. There will be no worry of money. I will put my last smile on my face, take my last breath, close my eyes and it will be over.

But until that day comes, my God, what beautiful women there are, my God! Look at them! There are in the streets, in the clubs, in the agencies, on Instagram, on Twitter, on TikTok, on Pornhub, they are everywhere. They are all beautiful. They are all very, very beautiful.

Also, I only follow whores and pornstars. I don’t even take into account the ones who are not whores and pornstars. If you don’t pay money and fuck them, there is no point for me. The best ones are the ones that cost money; because they are fast and guaranteed. The others require effort, time – they are very against me. “I don’t call a beautiful person beautiful, when it is not mine” – that’s the logic. The only ones who can be mine are whores. That’s why it’s ridiculous for me to be interested in others. Besides, the others don’t want a useless piece of shit like me to be interested in them anyway. That’s why it’s a win-win situation for them and for me.

I adore whores. They are so beautiful, man.