Tuesday, March 11, 2025.
Millersport, Ohio.

If I’m writing here, it means I’m not making money. Because normally I should be working right now and I shouldn’t have time to write here.

But that’s okay. Let’s not make money today either.

It’s not as attractive as it used to be to write daily, to write in general.

Everything is on social media every day. All diaries, everyone’s diaries are in front of the eyes.

This is not a criticism. It’s not a criticism at all. It’s just the way things are.

Now we are in such an age.

Man is a creature that is never satisfied, always finding something to be upset about.

Everything disturbs us.

And most of us are failures. This failure bothers us.

Most of the people we see are the ones who have achieved something.

The young people crushed us. The young people have advanced and advanced. We’re behind. Way behind. Our time has passed. That was it. We didn’t know how to be content with that either, but that was it. That was the most we could do.

But these were not small things. Life is a miracle in itself. The alternative is nothingness. How bad can it be? Even the worst, at least there is. Again, it’s something in front of nothingness.

Because there is no escape from non-existence. We didn’t exist and we will disappear again. It takes 60-70 years of patience. For some of us, it’s not even that long. For the 10-year-old girls who were raped and murdered by their fathers at the age of 10, it was 10 years, for example. Or for the soldiers who died in vain at 18 for the pleasure of politicians.

It will be 37 years this year. In 37 years, a lot has happened, good and bad, beautiful and ugly. I have no regrets. I am not sad. In fact, there are things I am sorry about. But even being sad is a taste, and being sad is a feeling.

Is a feeling of sadness worse than the alternative, which is non-existence? And we are not going to be sad forever. I probably won’t live another 37 years. I don’t want to anyway. I mean, being 70 doesn’t appeal to me. You should die young. You gotta make the most of it. So what if you live to shit your pants?

The only thing I love about the world is beautiful girls. They’re the ones who make everything meaningful. All the sadness and all the joy. The rest is so insignificant. But beautiful girls are like a miracle greater than a miracle.

And we have learned to be happy just by seeing and watching them. When we were children, we thought we would be happy just by having them. Old age has taught us to be happy just by seeing them.

Sometimes their images are even more beautiful than the real thing. Because you don’t smell ugly human odors in the video you are watching. But even the most beautiful girl has human parts that stink.

That’s when you realize you’re garbage. You are garbage. There’s no exaggeration. All these words are just garbage. And what comforts you is knowing that all this garbage will disappear. There will be a great justice and everything will be equalized at zero.

Now I’m at peace.

***

I ordered fish, it’s here. I’ll eat it. Come on, see you. 🙂