I was bored in the room. I was crying softly but very calmly, very quietly. I wiped my eyes from time to time. I went out of the hotel. I continued to cry on the way. There was a restlessness inside me. Failure. I couldn’t be anything.

Then I went into one of the food shops that was open at midnight. I ordered a quesadilla. Something like cheese pancakes. I bought apple juice. There were two options anyway: apple juice and cola.

What could make me happy?

A lot of money.

What could make me happy?

A beautiful lover, but a beautiful lover who can also have sex with other people and who supports me in having sex.

What could make me happy?

Nothing. Because no matter what, no matter what I get, I will always want more.

What could make me happy?

Maybe pornography. I sent a message to the man who said, “I will make you a pornstar” at night. I said, brother, it’s been a month since our last correspondence, whenever you want me to write to you, give me a date so I don’t bother you all the time, I said.

What makes me happy?

To rule over all of humanity. To be a prophet. To be God.

Man is a being who wants to be God. That’s why he invented God, he claimed to do what he did in his name, he does, he will do; every day, every night.