Tuesday, October 15, 2024.
Tijuana, Mexico.

We had dinner with Kelly. It was a beautiful restaurant. The food was wonderful. Kelly’s smile lit up the place like the sun.

But that’s the end of tonight. She went home. I’m alone at the hotel.

My eyes are constantly wet. I constantly feel sorry for the life that escapes.

Actually, how lucky I am. How bad lives are in Africa. I see it on Twitter.

Or what happened in Türkiye since I wrote. Blood everywhere, murder everywhere, violence everywhere.

Kelly told me, I can’t meet you for sex anymore. For this reason or that reason. But I can be your friend for life.

She sent me this as a last message. I was driving a truck that day. Well, she said, you know I quit escorting, but you’re the only one from those days that I still see. But I want to close that book completely and please don’t pay me for sex anymore, please don’t have a relationship like that anymore.

Of course, a few questions came to my mind. Why, why not and so on. However, since I am 36 years old, I have learned some things in this life so far. If you ask, you will not get an answer; not only will you not get an answer, but you will also lose what you have because you are messing around.

At least the girl is still seeing me, I don’t need to analyze and lose her friendship.

Sex is very easy anyway. Tijuana is full of escorts. I found a new agency: Greys Girls. There are 17-18 girls in the agency. 6 of them are 18 years old. I had sex with three of these 18-year-olds today, yesterday and so on. Another 19-year-old came. Apart from them, I also met Karla and Marbeth. In other words, I think I had sex with a total of six escorts in Tijuana. I have been here for 3-4 days.

I took a break from driving a truck for a week or two. I will be driving a truck again in a truck company in a week or ten days. I could not make money anymore in the company I left. I hope the next company will make money. There is a sister Selin who is a truck driver, that’s what she says. They say they earn money, I will go to her, I will work in the company she works for.

Yusuf probably won’t have a job. He won’t be able to come to America.

When I left the truck, I wanted to work in Southern California and see Kelly more often, but when she sent me that message… It was a good thing, too. I couldn’t have a good life with her anyway. Because I wouldn’t have money if I didn’t drive a truck.

When you drive a truck, you have money, but you don’t have life.

If you want to live, if you leave the truck, you have life, but you don’t have money.

When you die, all of it will be left behind. All your troubles will end. Everything will be great.

But until you die, you will continue to worry, stress, be sad, sometimes happy, be happy for a few minutes, and see Kelly and smile every now and then.

Falling in love is a wonderful and disastrous thing. Your heart doesn’t fit in your chest, and your heart doesn’t fit in your chest. Ah Kelly, ah. Ah Paula, ah. Oh beautiful girls, oh. I’m in love with all of you. I don’t care about any of you. At least there’s justice. Because I don’t deserve anything better.

But when I die, it’ll all be left behind. All the troubles will be over and everything will be beautiful.