March 30, 2026, Monday.
Cranbury, New Jersey.
Started the week with a $524 loss today. In the morning, the truck's front tire got sliced while trying to go over the railroad tracks. Then we called the tire guy, he came, sorted it out, we paid $524, and he left.
Well, these things happen. Life isn't free. On one hand we'll earn, on the other hand we'll take a hit like this. Buy and sell, keep the economy spinning.
Yesterday, a few minor mishaps happened one after another. First, the police pulled me over in the morning. Because I was messing with the map on my phone, the trailer swayed left and right a bit. So he pulled me over thinking, "Let me stop him and see if the driver is falling asleep or what he's doing driving so carelessly." That's what he told me.
When he flashed his lights, I started pulling over to the right. There's actually a huge rest area just a little further ahead, so I thought I'd drive right in there. You know, it's safer for the cop there too, obviously. Because getting out of the car, walking towards me and all, doing that next to moving traffic is a very dangerous job.
Colors and melody, drops while drowning, rain, getting wet and getting angry, running and wet sleep.
Purple ghosts. Purple and shapeless. Shapeless but fat. Fat but hungry. Billions of sperm tested by hunger. Billions of wasted sperm. Ugly creatures. Ugly but conceited. In love with themselves.
Edge of the lip, a little ridiculous. Helpless pupils. Black hole. Mother's cunt.
Beautiful women with big asses. Momentary. Existing and non-existing. Sun of the darkness. Sparkling, pitch black. Shining black snakeskin, colorful, blindness.
To see but to be helpless. Torture. A few seconds. Without a past. Unaware. Delicate in thought. Hopeful.
As a fatty, I've been on a diet for 4 days. What kind of diet, I don't know either. I just made a decision all of a sudden. Of course.
Five days ago, I couldn't eat anyway because of work and stuff. I realized it that evening while going to get some food. Actually, I didn't feel like eating. Just because I hadn't eaten all day, I was walking towards getting food as if I had to eat. I decided at that moment. I said I don't have to eat. I ate that evening, but starting from the next day, I said I would spend the day eating apples, bananas, tangerines, almonds, yogurt - these and things like this, and I've been doing that for 4 days. Once a week I'll reward myself and eat normal food. My stomach has shrunk already. Today I bought a salad and could only eat half of it. Nice.
There's no time, man. Not much time. I mean, there is, but I don't feel like dedicating it here. Instead, I watch Beşiktaş games. The game ends, I watch commentary and analysis programs about Beşiktaş. These make me happy. How nice, something far away from religion and politics at least. I love Sergen a lot too. The team has become solid as a rock anyway. It's all good and nice like this. Agbadou, Murillo, Ndidi, Orkun, Olaitan, Cerny, oh. Life is too short. Not worth taking seriously or getting upset over. If you're going to get upset, get upset when Beşiktaş loses. Let this be your biggest worry. And this isn't even a worry anyway. Ten out of ten.
Dear diary,
I watched this guy today.
If you have some free time, give him a chance too.
İlker abi shared it, I clicked on it because I trust him. I didn't regret it, I hope you won't regret it either. Amen.
February 14, 2026, Saturday. Liverpool, New York.
As I get older, I've even become ashamed of writing. I realize more and more every passing day what an empty person I am. All writings are garbage, all thoughts are absurd.
Your burden gets lighter when you say it like this. You close your eyes and the sun shines at the corners of your lips. You accept life as it is: with its nonsense, its meaninglessness, its grandeur, and its rainbows.
For a long time, I've been distracting myself with Sergen Yalçın. I don't care if he wins or loses, I look forward to his post-match statements. There is a clarity in this man's expression. Straightforward, unadorned, real, naked, and entertaining. Every sentence of his makes me happy. No lies, just the bittersweet truth, whether you want to hear it or not.
February 4, 2026, Wednesday.
Grand Ledge, Michigan.
Pure white cold, pitch black mud. Snow a few meters high. People freezing, dressed as if it were summer. A generous nature, a magnificent world, living to the fullest, crying inwardly but from happiness, but passionate, excitement at every moment.
The slow-moving sorrows of fast-passing time. Their bellies reminding young-feeling souls of their age. We are the dreams of grandfathers, the archives of tomorrows. Becky Summer is shining, eyes green, hair blonde.
January 26, 2026, Monday.
Rock Hill, South Carolina.
Living isn't actually that hard. If they expect your smile, you will smile. When they want you to bow your head, you will bow your head. There is no such thing as "I do what I want, when I want, where I want". You can't. They won't let you.
You can't do anything all by yourself. You are bound to a spouse, a companion, a friend. So you will be smart. You will go along with everyone's nature a little bit. If you find 3-5 people on your side, you don't care about the rest. But you have to know the value of those 3-5 friends.
January 15, 2026, Thursday.
Weatherford, Oklahoma.
My dear wife says she has made various suicide attempts throughout the past week. Thank goodness none of them worked. And since she's telling me this, I suppose she means to say "save me".
So I immediately reached out to her mother. I feel sorry for the poor woman too. We also talked with her older sister about what we can do.
I say my wife, but it's a long story.
If you go to a foreign country, find a local woman and make her believe you love her just to get residency there, and one day when you're done, you leave without looking back, it means you're a despicable, dishonorable son of a bitch, right?