August 25, 2024, Sunday.
Moline, Illinois.

I wasn’t throwing away the water bottles. I was waiting for the right evening. Because one evening, an old black man came by on his bike to collect empty bottles from the trash. Another time, it was an elderly woman. They were both very happy when I gave them my collection of empty water bottles.

I was waiting for another evening like that. Not because my help would benefit those elderly people, but because they would shower me with praise. Because I need love. Attention. Compliments. That’s why I was saving those empty plastic water bottles.

But I just threw them all in the trash. Because I kept collecting them until my car turned into a dumpster. And today I’m not in a good mood. That’s why I just threw them all in the trash, one by one, with my own hands. As they decreased, my nerves calmed down a little, it seemed. I just needed a little time to pass. I killed some time like this.

I won’t get the two grams of love I’d get from those old bastards either. Because they don’t show up. Fucking homeless people. If you showed up once in a while, I’d give you the water bottles, and I’d feel like a hero; no, what do I need heroism for? Fuck life. Fuck my life.

August 25, 2024, Sunday.
Moline, Illinois.

I wasn’t throwing away the water bottles. I was waiting for the right evening. Because one evening, an old black man came by on his bike to collect empty bottles from the trash. Another time, it was an elderly woman. They were both very happy when I gave them my collection of empty water bottles.

I was waiting for another evening like that. Not because my help would benefit those elderly people, but because they would shower me with praise. Because I need love. Attention. Compliments. That’s why I was saving those empty plastic water bottles.

But I just threw them all in the trash. Because I kept collecting them until my car turned into a dumpster. And today I’m not in a good mood. That’s why I just threw them all in the trash, one by one, with my own hands. As they decreased, my nerves calmed down a little, it seemed. I just needed a little time to pass. I killed some time like this.

I won’t get the two grams of love I’d get from those old bastards either. Because they don’t show up. Fucking homeless people. If you showed up once in a while, I’d give you the water bottles, and I’d feel like a hero; no, what do I need heroism for? Fuck life. Fuck my life.